Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Quit Claim

As of yesterday, my obligations to Noy are finished. I paid her off early so we could get our home loan processed. They couldn't give us a home equity loan as long as Noy still had a lean against the home. It was a bit of a hassle getting her to make it to her attorney's office to sign the Quit Claim but she finally did that for us yesterday. It's sort of odd but for the first time in over 20 years I have no obligations to her. I know for certain that she would like to talk occasionally to see how I'm doing and what is new with my mom and siblings and I'd like to stay up with what's happening in Joe and David's life but I don't think that will happen. We need to go our own ways now and if fate has it we will meet again someday. If her kids ever do make it back into town I hope they would give me a call and we could meet for lunch but I don't even see that happening. I don't think Joe and Dave are very interested in having much to do with me. I'd be surprised if Noy doesn't now move to California to be closer to her sons and grandkids. She has no family here...just some friends. Had it not been for the friends her life would be much different (in a good way) than it is today and I'm sure she knows that. It's been one of my continual prayers for her that God would bring good people into her life who would lead her in a more positive direction.

I wrote this while going through our divorce several years ago...


Emptiness owns my life tonight
But I'm focused on getting well
Do you know what it is to be afraid
To stop
To listen
To tell

When all I believed was important and true
Has left me broken and feeling used
My heart feels heavy
My head feels dizzy
I question what's right
I'm so confused

I try to be Strong
I try to be kind
I need my freedom
I need peace of mind

Where do I go
And when will I get there
I'm scared
It's my life
And I've lost all control

Will I be happy
I don't want to be angry
Will I find someone
To love and to hold

I'm trying not to worry
I have to keep myself busy
I'm trying to understand
What's important to me
I've spent time by myself
Too much time by myself
I'm much more lonely
Than I wanted to be

I hope Noy finds happiness
I hope she remembers
The good times
The better days
The love we once knew
I'm hurt
I'm not bitter
I'm sorry
I'm tired
I need to move on
It's what we both must do

I was going through my old writings and I found this written a couple days later...


I think too much
I don't sleep enough
I care too much
I never give up
I'm too organized
I need a close friend
I'm much too shy
I'm at my wits end
I could use some advice
I could use affirmation
I'd like a one way ticket
Not an explanation

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