Saturday, September 18, 2004

Jars of Clay

We saw Jars of Clay at Grace church in Eden Prairie tonight. What a good show they put on. Rachel has really developed a taste for Christian rock in the past few months. I know she can't wait for The Elms to come back through town so we can go see them again. Here's a song they played tonight called, Show You Love. It's a song about stepping outside your comfort zone and reaching out to those in need around the world and giving of our overflowing abundance.

Speaking of abundance...Tammy and I went to a few homes on the Parade of Homes list to get some ideas for our basement. Some of the homes were in the million dollar price range. It was interesting to see what you get for that price. We found a townhome we both liked very much and could probably very easily be talked into something like it after we retire.

I made my last payment to Noy yesterday. I dropped off all my canceled checks from the previous year's payments at her attorney's office so he could review them before she signs the Quit Claim on the home. I want her to be certain that I haven't short-changed her and that everything is as it should be. Her attorney called back today and said it appears I've overpaid her by $250. I told him to let it go and asked that he send me the bill for overseeing everything. He was expecting her in his office today to sign away her interest in the home but she never showed up. I'll need the Quit Claim signed before we can get our home equity loan to complete our basement. I can't help but feel that she's hoping for a different outcome which keeps money going from me to her indefinitely. I could be wrong. I have no idea if she knew this day was fast approaching. It's a significant amount of money she won't be receiving any longer and that has to be hard for her to accept.

I'm actually very sad for her. I know I shouldn't be after all she put me through but I still am. I'm sad for what has become of her life and the hopes I once had for our future. I used to be so happy to provide the lifestyle I did for her and her sons. I've only ever wanted what was best for her and I still feel that way. Everyday she is in my prayers. I pray that good people will come into her life and that they will lead her in a positive direction. I pray for her well being and peace of mind. I pray for her happiness and that she is able to move forward and find love again and I pray for her protection.

It's strange how life plays out though. Had Noy and I not divorced I never would have become a part of Tammy and Rachel's life. They are such a part of who I am and my reason for living that I can't imagine life without them. There's no question that God brought us all together. I don't question why anymore...I just accept that I'm where I'm supposed to be and that I've never been more in love with both Tammy and Rachel. Thank you Lord.

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