Say What?

I can't recall a longer two weeks in my life. It's somewhat surreal at times. I began to lose my hearing in my left ear two weeks ago this afternoon but it seems like so much more time has passed than that. I've been writing in my blog more now than I typically do because it's therapeutic in helping me sort through my thoughts. For whatever reason, writing this stuff down works for me. Plus, I have some extra time on my hands now with my career in the rearview mirror. Up until a few days ago, I was having moments, awake moments where for a few seconds I would imagine that all of this was just a bad dream and that there was nothing wrong with my hearing. There was a sinking in my heart when I would snap out of it in less than 5 seconds and realize that this was no dream. Or I would think of things I could've done or should've done that may have so easily changed this outcome for me but that's such a cruel game to play with one's mind. I can't go bac...

Keith called this morning to tell me that Mom's condition had deteriorated sharply in the last couple of days. I hadn't been to see her since Wednesday but was planning to go this afternoon. I dropped everything and hurried over to be with her. The phone really isn't much of an option with her anymore unless someone is there to handle it for her and that's not likely. I stopped calling her several weeks ago, opting to just drive to visit her instead. When I arrived in her room she was sleeping but I gently woke her to let her know I was there. Her eyes lit up like they always do whenever any of us comes into her presence. She can no longer speak. She tries so hard but she's unable to. Sometimes a whisper escapes but I could never make out what she was trying to tell me. But she can hear. I had some quiet time with her for a couple hours before anyone else arrived. I told her how much I loved her and thanked her for all she'd done for me in my life and I to...

Tammy had asked me a few days ago if I'd be interested in going in for prayer with Pastor Pat Moe at Hosanna. I told her that I felt God could hear my prayers just fine from where I was at but I knew when I said that, that I really didn't mean it. I was out walking the pups yesterday morning and feeling sad about my loss of hearing. I texted Tammy, "I'd like to go for prayer if we can". I knew she had a busy day with her mother planned but I hurried home and we made our way over to the church. Pat is a beautiful woman who embodies everything that Jesus is asking us to be to one another. She's the primary reason for the outreach to the poor that emanates from Hosanna. She's a very humble woman who gives selflessly, always. We walked back to the prayer room where Pat anointed my ear with oil and began to pray over me as we all held hands. It was a moving experience and one that left me sobbing. It was a combination of a lot of things over this past year ...

I called into work Monday night to let my supervisor (Steve Hanson) know that I'd be coming in and submitting my retirement papers the next day. I don't think I'd been in contact with anyone from work up until this time so this was a bit of a blindside to him as it was to me as well. He asked about whether I'd sought out a 2nd opinion and I told him I hadn't. He strongly urged me to check out Mayo Clinic in Rochester. He was right. I needed to pull out all of the stops. The doctor from my appointment Monday morning was content to see if a regimen of prednisone would suffice and to leave it at that. He mentioned a steroid injection beyond the eardrum and into the middle ear that has been beneficial for some but not at all effective for others and detrimental to at least one person. What could be more detrimental than what I was already facing I thought, especially with what seemed like poor odds if I chose to stay the course? Bryan, my older brother, was encouragin...

There's an old saying: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. I may have mentioned that here before but it's worth repeating. I'm a goal setter and I believe I always will be despite God's plans for me. It's gotten me this far. There's a chance I'll get my hearing back but the odds aren't in my favor. I saw an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor yesterday morning. His assistant did some extensive testing on my hearing. When the woman finished the test she looked at me and told me about a new device that can be helpful with spacial orientation related to sound for people with hearing loss. I thought to myself, does this mean I can forget any dreams about getting my hearing back? You can't fix this? I was led back to a room to discuss the findings with the doctor and Tammy. He told us that 1/3 of people with my condition will get their hearing back, 1/3 will see a partial return and the other 1/3 will see no improvement. He said my Factor V ...

I'm not liking this trend of mine. I was back in the emergency room at Ridges in Burnsville for most of this afternoon. That's the 3rd time in the past 11 months! I developed a blockage in my left ear on Monday after removing some earplugs I was wearing while mowing. Tammy checked my ears out with her otoscope and saw that there was indeed some buildup of gunk. I went to Walgreens and bought some drops to help soften any wax buildup and the next morning Tammy flushed my ears clean but the blocked ear sensation continued. I could hear through my left ear but there was a loud, persistent ringing that kept me from hearing much else from it. This continued into last night (Friday) when Tammy suggested I go to Urgent Care and have it looked at. The UC doctor said my eustachian tube/canal was full of clear fluid (it's supposed to be just air in there) and that it was the source of my problem. She tested my hearing to determine that I did still have hearing in both ears. She w...

My final FAA physical is in the books. I thought I'd had my last one a year ago but you know me. Anyway, this truly was my final one because there's no turning back now. I've reached the point where I'm mentally ready to move on. I wasn't there before despite all of the previous retirement dates that came and went. I am now. I think had I left a year or even six months ago, I would've lived with some misgivings about not sticking it out and doing all I could to not sell us short financially. I think I've put all of those worries to rest. I had an appointment with my dermatologist on Tuesday morning. He walked into the room and said: "This is the best I've see your face in the ten years you've been coming here." I think he's right. PhotoDynamic Therapy definitely helped. He wants me to do the treatment again in six months. I told him how I'm using sunscreen like I've never used it before. I never go out in the sun without it ...